Sunny and warm day with light breeze. I feel introspective today. As if I have no use for words because they do not really convey what I feel . So I am quiet but it is amazing and irritating when speech is necessary to say "yes" or "not now". There is no denying that with pregnancy comes a spiraling web of emotions that can at times blow my mind. An intensity of all things with insights of which I have deliberately put aside wrong or right distinctions. I just want to feel. Some people are so scared of feeling. Others use thinking. However, the body is no fool and responds to feelings all the time. Feelings are the undercurrent of bodily intelligence.
As part of prenatal ritual, exams and monthly blood tests are called for. Blood draws are invariability a right of passage for some phlebotemists after succeeding to get a specimen from me. I almost treat the process as a cosmic prank of sorts as the technician looks with furrowed eyebrows at my wrists and hands. I am thin with constriction at my elbows which makes the usual point of entry of blood draws out of the question. So today I watched as a very focused technician swabbed my wrists and looked around, sighed, and went to get another technician. I knew before hand she was going to do that. I felt a sense of anxiety in her finger tips. They were too tentative. I took a deep breath and told her not to worry, she will draw my blood the next time. I do not want to hurt you" she said. I laughed and said she beat my three try rule (which is also the average number of blood draws it took before I started using magnets) but next time we will see.
The next technician came and said he was a one stick man. That is all we need I thought and I knew it would be. He took out 7 tubes of different sizes of blood vials. I am always amazed at how they know what tube size would satisfy a test. As I looked at my collection I though this is going to be interesting, and hoped I drank enough water. After a couple of heat packs and the usual tapping, a brave vein complied with only one stick. Another fringe benefit of my pregnancy is my increased blood volume. Pretty wonderful :) . As I watched the blood collect in the tubes I thought about the information it contained. All the nutrients it is carrying to my cells and Chickens, and I said a quiet daimoku to bless it. Bright red. My favorite color. With all 7 tubes filled and feeling lightheaded for a minute we left to eat lunch at Whole Foods.
By this time I feel like a waddling goose because the baby has shifted to my left side which always makes me feel like I have beach ball in my abdomen. I want to describe this feeling because it so amazing. Image there is a bulge on your right side. Is hard and roundish. Then there is gurgling feeling with maybe some fluttering with movement, and then the bulge is on the left side of your lower belly. It's so trippy. How does the baby find the space?
By the time I got home I felt a burst of energy and visited some friends in my building I had been meaning to see for awhile. I came home and Nick said to me we should see as many movies as we can in the theater before the baby comes, or we might forget what its like to go. I agree.
Sigh. I'm yarning. I will end the blog here. Sleep is engulfing me. That is another thing I have noticed in my pregnancy. Transitions between energy states is very short. Bye-bye.
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