Helping Hand

It is comforting to be able to offer support to someone especially to someone you do not know. In the last week I have come into contact with two women with SMA that are expecting. Though we all have different circumstances we share concerns about our babies like all moms. I am having breathing difficulties at times. Shortness of breath stuff. Some women are having back pain. In my pregnancy it seems issues arise quickly and then subside almost as quickly as they come. Lets see there was the restless nights, food aversion, smell aversion, people aversion, back & leg pain, and now shortness of breath. It really is true pregnancy is not for the faint of heart, but I know we all build our spiritual, emotional, and physical sense of ourselves on this journey to motherhood.

Last night I was thinking of what to write. I thought of the people who gave me such stress early in the pregnancy. I thought of how long 9 months seemed and all the unknowns inbetween. Not out of the woods yet I feel distant from those people in a way I find hard to write about. What if I traded in my fortune out of fear and reason? Through trepidation don't we find our way? Would I have met these women, and marveled at my growing belly knowing that regardless of what happens I have curved out a piece of my soul that has never been accessed before. Fear matters but thank goodness everyone has the capacity to be fearless.

In Buddhism is a "sin" to begrude ones life but how many times have I committed this? Too many to count. However, growing this baby I am understanding what this prohibition means. The miracle of life is so amazing yet mundane at the same time. All humans are incredible and the universe has brought forth so many wonders( and continues to), it is easy to see why we are blind to it much of the time. We are all so extra ordinary. To be and not regret ones form. To be and not to regret ones form. To be and not regret ones form. To be and to bring forth another of you but not yours. How sublime!